Being a Californian, I’m naturally a very cool dude with a really hot California bride and a stellar cool California blonde rockin’ son. Okay, so maybe I feel cool personally at times, and however untrue that may be, the part about my wife and son is true.

Do you struggle with your identity and wanting to appear cool to others and to portray a certain aura of being the cool couple/single in the room? Growing up in a conservative and homeschooling family, “trying to be cool” was the most uncool thing you could attempt. Just be yourself we’d say and things will be fine. Well, we all know how that shakes out. Everyone seeks in earnest to somehow be just distinct enough from others to be uniquely themselves, especially here in Tuolumne County where you can be a “big fish” in a small pond. And, eventually we can proudly say we have a healthy mix of unique people. Great! Well done, team.

How about in marriage? As we near our first ten years of marriage, and since we are newly returned to my hometown, I’m aware of how easily being a cool couple can be thought necessary to gaining friends. Torrey, now you’re getting awkward! Well, we all think it, so why not get it out there. We have been told we can be an intimidating couple. This makes me role in laughter… Literally. If you only knew how imperfect we are and how we wouldn’t mind being known as needing God’s grace in our marriage just as much as the next couple. We certainly don’t have it all together. We have had some amazing mentors and continue to make great friendships with refreshingly real and passionate believing couples and singles, but we don’t attract great friends so much because we are cool. Speaking for myself, I’m far from cool in Cali terms. I can’t surf worth a lick and my conversational skills typically get me into more trouble than good graces. My wife is so good for me though. She is the reason we have friends. It’s true! She helps me to see where my saying this or that could have made so-and-so feel uncomfortable or de-prioritized.

Friends, it’s not about being a cool Christian couple so much as being genuinely loving, right? As we seek to serve one another as friends, we realize that our perception is wrong of each other so much of the time. We come to truly care for one another more and more, and we hope the best for each other as we see each other as fellow children of God, bought at the price of Christ’s blood.

I’d like to issue a challenge to married couples in Tuolumne County in particular, though this is just as applicable for friendship building for singles. Get to know one another with an eye for mutual upbuilding. Look for ways to care for each other in your neighborhood friendships, local church friendships, community involvement context friendships, at the park or in couples groups, through having each other over for a meal or going camping, etc.

Having good friendships where cool isn’t the focus and mutual encouragement and refreshment is the focus under God’s grace… This naturally cultivates life-long friendships that aren’t dependent upon your views of each others’ coolness factors so much as simply shows fruit of Christian love.

Grateful for you, friends.

Enjoy your marriages this week and enjoy your friends… These are truly gifts from Heaven.

– Torrey

P.S. There is our marriage post for the week. I’m hoping to have Carrie more involved in writing some of these Tuesday marriage posts and/or at least editing them. Thus, you should see some improvement in the coolness factor ; )

P.S.S. These are a few more shots from my hike with Tom and Jackson this last Friday.